Letter of Recommendation

from a dear childhood friend.

To whom it may concern:

Dr Lauría obtained his PhD in his early forties, an achievement not entirely devoid of merit considering that, even then, the passage of time had not been particularly kind to his higher cortical functions. On having learnt that, as of today, at a height of his life, when the candles are definitely costing more than the cake, he is applying for full professorship, I cannot but express my deepest admiration for his will, bold determination, and capacity to face risks. Even in the larger context of world history, I am unable to find any decisions of similar caliber and possible consequences, except maybe for the one that led to the charge of the Light Brigade.

Unfortunately, that is the most I can say. Otherwise, and even in the light of the bias friendship introduces, I find it terribly difficult to locate other expressions of talent. He is a horrendous moviegoer, to the point I have come to ask myself whether his choices of movies are influenced by a morbid taste for empty theaters or a sleep problem he is trying to solve without professional help. Likewise, he is politically naïve and easily lured into believing that the US is a democracy, democrats are left-of-center and Obama is black enough (but, then again, you guys may probably judge this as an asset). He is also easy prey to mass-media, especially with regard to his home country, and (although this is probably not entirely his fault but shared with his parents and influenced by the abovementioned higher cortical function deficits) has failed to grasp the true basis or peronism or the ultimate goals of the wonderful government led by “compañera” Cristina Kirchner. Of course, this problem could be dismissed on consideration that could-be-compañero Obama also failed to understand this, and no one ever demanded impeachment on consideration of the enormous importance of Argentina as a player in the global scenario.

So, I wish Eitel the best of luck in this new enterprise, and would like to offer my ex ante sincere condolences to you crazy people should this scheme meet with success. I would have liked to quote him being a decent squash player as a valuable qualification, but I doubt whether it applies (and will anyway quickly go away together with intellectual abilities). But should this be the case and you really like Eitel, please consider it because, believe me, there is not much more to be found even on scraping the bottom of the pot with a laser beam.

—Alan March
Mar 1, 2013